The very first life lesson I have learnt in the hard way was back in grade 11 chemistry class with Mrs. S. I remember studying my ass off for tests, participated a lot in class, and was actually enthusiastic in studying. For once. And then what happened? I got a fucking B-. Mind you, my test results weren't bad at all. I wasn't the top student in class but I never let myself get less than a B+. Yet something had to go wrong and I got a fucking B-.
So I realized. That maybe there are certain things in life that I just can't get, no matter how hard I try to achieve it. The give/get equation is not as simple as 1+1=2. It can sometimes wind down to a 0. Or even in the minus.
Then after almost 10 years in life, it had struck me again. That there are just things that I can never ever have. That there are things and people, no matter how much I want and love, I just cannot have. This world is so complicated, that, there are times where I just have to learn to give up. And pretend. Pretend that I am already gone and over out there even though I am still extremely jaded inside. My mind. My heart. My mentality. My emotions. Everything is still being tied up by the thoughts of him and yet, I have to brush off the trickling tears and pretend otherwise.
Now how fucked up is that? How fucked up is adulthood?