I've got it all figured out. I think. Or at least I hope.

Sometimes some feelings are meant to be left as is. Even if two people cannot or can no longer be lovers, sometimes the feelings of affection still exist. These feelings may be tense or may have been diluted by different factors already, but it doesn't simply disappear into thin air as one wishes. Talking yourself into not loving the person is often times not an option. It can be very painful and devastating to convince yourself that you don't love someone anymore when you really and apparently still do. Hence the best thing to do, is to leave the feelings alone and instead assign a new role to the other person. As a special friend, as a soul mate, as a buddy, as a mental clone, as a whatever role that is comfortable for the two of you.

I realize there should be a fine line between friends and lovers. The thing is, where is that line? Why is it natural for us to kiss and hug our lovers but not our friends? I never understand why love has to be so strictly controlled and categorized. Love is love. Love for friends is the same sort of love for lovers. The only difference that makes lovers special is probably the extra bit of lust that allows us to reproduce and pass on our genes. Just because one can't be together as lovers with another, doesn't mean the love between the two has to be repressed.

This whole time I have been forcing myself to stop all feelings and pretend that I don't appreciate him the way I used to. But appreciation is appreciation. I still think he is perfect and I care a lot about him and can't just let go of these feelings once we become buddies and nothing more. Why do I have to tell myself otherwise when I still have feelings for him? It just doesn't make sense to me.

So yeah. I should just befriend all the guys that I truly adore and love and gain an awesome crowd of (subjectively) good looking friends who would all come to my funeral wedding and cry like losers one day. That would be quite a beautiful sight.

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