累！垮！了！

累！垮！了！

我這一輩子大概還真是未試過每天都過得這麼充實：

07:00　起床
08:00　出門／坐車
08:15　轉車／走好大一段路到學校
09:00　上堂
16:00　下課／走好大一段路到車站／坐車／轉車／走好大一段路回家
17:00　回到家
17:15　換好衣服卸好妝就開始做readings
18:30　吃飯
19:00　繼續做readings
21:00　做功課／備課／練習授課
24:00　洗澡／睡前看點小說 or 嘗試寫blog
24:30　不知不覺間睡著

看吧！！這是一個暑假該有的生活嗎？I have no life………我現在連日劇也沒時間看，要趁早上吃早餐、換衣服、化妝的時候看，一集《GOLD》竟然花了我三個早上去看囉！！成何體統呀？！這樣對劇組人員、翻譯人員也太失禮了吧（誤）？

我知我知，我覺得很hectic的這個日程其實是許多上班族的日常，而我也的確在小題大做，但話晒我已經攤屍般攤抖了接近半年，一時半刻還真是適應不過來。特別是，我們班上的同學都是狠角色，回家後做功課溫書溫到快要解體也好，其實也未夠上課時候跟同學們周旋來的痛苦。

想不到吧？居然連這種沒學分、沒優秀獎、爭贏了也不會有獎學金的課程都會發生這種事。尤其是班上的某兩位媽媽級女士，我真的十分之唔明點解佢地成日都要鬧交般跟人辯論囉，心平氣和用文明來應對不好嗎？

（!@#$ 火爆仔時間 $#@!）OK，辯我也算了，但她們竟過份到燒到過來我自身這疊，常將我也是ESL這身份掛在嘴邊。（題外話：其實「燒到過來我這疊」這個expression中的「疊」是指溪錢嗎？即自己食光quota就來謀我這一疊的意思？）超級WTF囉！她們還不都是ESL？！而且還是滿口Indian accent和grammar mistakes，就連我老姊耍白痴講的爛英文都比她們講的好多了（至少聽起來好可愛，「make a laugh」甚麼的 XDDD）！！

Sigh………想當日我讀犯罪學的時候同學之間都很守望相助，甚至會在考試前夕約好一起去溫書……看來我真是一路走得太順暢，都被善人寵壞了，忘了這個世界其實好公平，有善人就自然也有賤人，不過還好這課程就剩三個禮拜，很快我就可以別了她們，開始我萬分期待的實習…………也即是說，我還有一個月零一星期就可以離開這個鬼地方了！！Woohoo！！！

Self reminder.

Self reminder.

I keep losing the note where I keep track of the things I need to find out or do before I leave off in 40 days, so I figured I should make a temp post instead:

1. Find out about accommodation from January to March
2. Decide whether or not you should 上京 for countdown (and do some googling on temples and shrines for that and 初詣) 
3. Make a list of potential jobs you should send resume to when you get there
4. Find out about the structure and format of resume, and if you can use the present Canadian one
5. Go take id picture and tie your friggin' hair up this time
6. Find out about cell phones and the black SIM for iPhone from Softbank
7. Read more about Shinsei Bank and find out if there are any better alternative banks that are gaijin friendly
8. Decide which one to get: Lumix GF-1 or Lumix LX-5 (Sigh... the battle between sensor size and machine size) **Will get LX-5!!   But white or black?  Black it is!
9. Find out if the practicum for TESOL will end in time for the trip **Yes it will
10. Make a study plan for JLPT
11. Look for boulangerie and pâtisserie courses that are doable over unemployed days abroad
12. Get iPhone unlocked
13. Make up a list of things you must bring to Japan and try to eliminate junk from that list bit by bit
14. Meet up with Kei and Yoshi before they leave Vancouver... and talk them into visiting Osaka when you get there XDD
15. Download offline maps from app store
16. Find out about health and dental insurance
17. Jot down, in hard copy, where to extend VISA and places for documents etc.
18. Make a copy of the bookstores in Osaka that take JLPT registrations
19. Stop current contract with Fido
20. Pack up old desktop and organize textbooks for sale
21. ......coming soon......or not......

And class starts tomorrow (already?) on a 0900-1600, Mon-Fri schedule. Heard that there will be LOTS of homework and the course is hella intense, with crazy people participating as if they're facing a tank.

D la, I've relaxed for toooo long, I don't even know if I can jot notes crazy fast anymore... the undergrad crim program was so relaxing too... come to think of it, the only time I've worked really hard and was fully mentally engaged was back when I was prepping for the provincials, which was a good 4 years ago (only? university felt like forever!!)... crap, now I'm really doubting if I can handle TESOL well. 

Pursuing Passion.

Pursuing Passion.

Life is a jigsaw puzzle. You don't know whats going to go where, you don't know where the pieces are but you do know that you need to keep looking for the pieces and figure out where they go. All events that happen to you is a piece of your puzzle. if you are stuck in a rut at school or work and keep asking yourself the "what if" question then its a sign telling you that there are no more pieces of the puzzle to be found where you are.

Quote from DannyChoo.com; Pursue Your Passion

還有一個多月就要出發到一個自己從未去過的地方生活，心情還真是開始有點兒忐忑不安。我甚至忐忑到開始認為，一直好想去日本，好想去那裏生活，順道看看Live Tour然後炒賣一下concert goods之類的這個夢想，其實，是不是有點兒「多左」呢？

身邊同期畢業的同學們都已經找到了屬於自己的career，明確清楚自己要在幾多歲之前建立一些甚麼。而我呢？卻在追求一個對自己將來沒甚麼建樹的夢。當人家已經在賺錢養家買車供樓的時候，我卻在花錢去一個完全陌生的地方重新摸索，這不是一件很無謂的事情麼？

雖說我好想離開這個comfort zone and then go out there to establish something，但這個「something」又是甚麼呢？這個「something」又值得我花這麼多時間金錢去換回來麼？

或者就正如Danny Choo所講，life is a jigsaw puzzle，這個「something」遲早也會成為我人生中的一部份，缺了它，我的拼圖就會走了樣。只是我總覺得，不是所有努力過付出過的人都會得回相對的回報。倘若我付出了時間、精神、金錢，得回來的那個「something」卻不理想的話，這個代價又值得嗎？不付出就固然得不到收穫，但這世界上付出過卻得不到收穫的人比比皆是，就好像沒才能的人就算多花幾多倍努力也好，也總會及不上有才能的人一樣，這個世界的遊戲規則才沒有這麼簡單。

Danny Choo的成功自然不是僥倖；但是又有幾多人能好像他一樣，將興趣化成能賺錢的職業？儘管我好喜歡他這篇很有鼓勵性的《Pursue Your Passion》，也認為人就是要趁年輕時去闖一闖（不是有一句法諺說：「但願少年有知，但願老者能為（If the young only knew, if the old only could）」嗎？），但只要現實一點去看待整件事的話，就會覺得實踐夢想當真不是一件容易事，也不是每一個人都能真正放手去追求的一件事。一旦處理不當或者碰不上機會之神，就會損失好多東西，包括這個在不知不覺間成為過去式的「夢想」。

（PS：沒錯，Danny Choo就是那個很有名的Jimmy Choo的兒子，也是任何一個御宅族心中的英雄！！）