moving on.

moving on.

Dear Ye,

From one phase to another, what made us move on?

Flipping through my sketch book, I realized how perfectly each phase shaped into another; from the idol days to self-portrait days, and now the one-eyed kid days. It sorta fascinates me, the way each phase slowly fades and carry on to the next one. I figure that’s how everything (not limited to time and space) goes, though.

When one relationship gradually shifts into the next stage or slides back to the one before, we'll tend to just let it happen, until sometime later when we’re psychologically ready and look back, then we’ll realize the change. As one can imagine, nobody can ever stop this transformation. While we grow old and learn what we really need, we'll slowly forget our past choices and go with the choice that best fits our current need.

Sometimes I’d wonder though, why I made certain choices during certain stages in life. There are times when I just can’t help but sneer at my foolishness for making that stupid choice at that instant. But I guess that’s how it was. Under that circumstance at that very moment, there was nothing else I could do. It’s a live example of rational choice theory, no?

So it turns out that it’s the choices and decisions that move us along the ladders of life. Whether they were made correctly or not, however, is fully up to us, and only us to justify. No one else can help us decide or regret. We are all alone while making choices and justifying them, as it is our own lives that are placed into our palms and not anyone else’s.

How nice if we get to hand our decisions to a pair of dice, just like in the game of Jumanji eh? At least all we get to sneer at is probability and not ourselves.

Yours,
Ri.

真應景。

真應景。

Too Much by Spice Girls

Love is blind, as far as the eye can see,
Deep and meaningless, words to me,
easy lover, I need a friend,
Road to nowhere, twist and turns but will this never end

Well my dear you'll know that he pleases me (Pleases me),
But short time solution made no resolution,
That ain't no release for me,

Too Much of Something is bad enough,
But something's coming over me to make me wonder,
Too Much of nothing is just as tough,
I need to know the way to feel to keep me satisfied

Unwrap yourself, from around my finger
Hold me too tight or left to linger,
Something fine built to last,
Slipped up there I guess we're running out of time too fast,

Yes my dear you know he soothes me (Moves me),
There's no complication there's no explanation,
It's just a groove in me

Too Much of something is bad enough (Bad enough),
But something's coming over me to make me wonder,
Too much of nothing is just as tough (just as tough),
I need to know the way to feel to keep me satisfied

What part of no don't you understand (Understand understand),
I want a man not a boy who thinks he can,

Boy who thinks he can,

Too Much of Something is bad enough,
But something's coming over me to make me wonder,
Too Much of nothing is just as tough,
I need to know the way to feel to keep me satisfied

Too much of nothing so why don't we give it a try,
Too much of something we're gonna be living a lie

TAGGED.

TAGGED.

還以為把facebook清得一乾二淨就能避過此劫（當然不是為了這個原因啦），但我還是被tagged了。可惡的JL。可惡的身痕自己。

ALL Got tagged: 25 random things about me
Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you!

1. 座右銘是「人善人欺天不欺」，取自《大時代》丁蟹。
2. 小時候喜歡周慧敏喜歡到會用絲巾包著頭扮長頭髮唱歌。
3. 哭的時候比笑還漂亮。我覺得。
4. 但很少會在人面前哭，因為從小看武俠片看到骨子裡有一種丈夫有淚不輕彈的意念。雖然我是女生。
5. 一睡不夠就會流鼻血。
6. 吃薯條從不沾茄汁。
7. 移民過來加拿大的這十五年間，我從來未有過一刻是想過在這邊發展的。我就算死了也會用意志send我的靈魂回香港。嘿嘿。
8. 目前對戀愛沒啥興趣，我想再愛自己多一點才去嘗試愛別人。
9. 現在的我不會是一個及格的女朋友。
10. 打從心底喜歡舊事物。
11. 聲優系、動畫系、漫畫系御宅族人。
12. 看Bleach是為了朽木白哉才看的。
13. 如果可以的話，我想動手術換聲音，現在的聲音好沉。
14. 可以連續一個星期不外出。
15. 沒有電腦也能活，但家裡一定要有充足的書本才行。
16. 不喜歡看英文書；平常上學指定要讀的已經夠了。
17. 我的中文大都是從書本網絡學回來的。
18. 記憶中我第一部看完的電視劇是馬景濤主演的《倚天屠龍記》，那時五六歲，亦從此學會了普通話。
19. 我覺得我是對語言方面有些許天份的。Monkey see monkey do而已。
20. 剛照鏡子看到有兩條新的頸紋，我想死。
21. 走在街上我只會想著目的地，不會看到週遭的人，也因此而讓好多人覺得我串。
22. 其實我係外冷內暖啫。
23. 受過教訓，我以後都不敢對人過份熱情，除非你讓我覺得你值得。
24. 只有一兩個知心朋友。我覺得很夠。
25. 其中一個是從網上認識回來的。誰說網絡上的都是壞人？

P. S., 明明看到其他人都是16項的……，怎麼tag著我的卻是25項呀？

Time's up.

Time's up.

Hey jerk,

It's time to keep a distance eh.

I just cannot bear to continue our malnutritious conversations, especially when you intend to either impress or disgust me with your unamusing jokes, impractical ideas, and unimportant speeches on your irrational perspectives on life and society. Do you have any idea how disgusted I was when you talked about homeless people (in your words, beggars) on the street as if they're low-life species? Hey, I don't blame you for not understanding their situation because you're soooo rich and uneducated. But I am a social scientist, mind you. The society and our environment is what I study and observe everyday, and now you're telling me that your point of view is more in depth than mine and I shall hence follow your lead? I don't think so. I was educated to obtain a critical mind of my own and I do not need your help to find my way for me, as I am totally capable of leading myself down the aisle of development without your aid.

What you have been arguing with me have absolutely no back up and is mere bullshit that you rip off of the media. Seriously, I don't blame you for not reading enough, but would you please stop basing everything from what you see on TV or from the magazines that you worship like the holy bible? The media is not always right, and even the newspapers you read everyday can be wrong and biased (if you really did take the time to actually read, that is). What surprised me the most was your unawareness of your lack of knowledge and tendency to contradict your beliefs. I guess I can root them back to your absence of reading and ability to make logical sense, though.

The thing that pissed me off the most, for your information, was how you handled our conversation. When you could not come up with a good enough come back to my argument, you chose to discontinue our debate and conclude saying that I'm right about everything. My initial objective was not to win the debate, but to learn something from it, especially your point of view on a matter that concerns both of us. You have indirectly shamed and insulted me by giving up our conversation with a gesture that you apparently believed to be courteous. I am sorry, but you were wrong. I am not the type of girls who would be satisfied by an acknowledgment that was not even truthful.

Not to mention the fact that you really took my argument as an argument in terms of a verbal fight instead of an effort to convince, have appalled me to the utmost. I cannot believe that an adult male like you can be so ignorant, to the point where you cannot even distinguish the difference between a debate and verbal fight. So I told you, I was not trying to prove anything or trying to argue with you. And what did you say? You said that maybe you felt my intentions wrong, and maybe I should just pretend that you felt it wrong. Hello? Has your skull been hijacked recently? Did your suggestion even made sense? And where's my apology? I truly thought and still think I deserve an apology from you for mistaking me as some bitch trying to argue over something worthless and in the end settling down with a mere pretend.

Jerk, I really thought we could be friends. But you have totally disappointed me to the -19th floor down in hell and I cannot imagine talking to you ever again. Maybe in the future if I happen to see you down the hallway or some street, we could still nod and say hi. That is, if you don't ever try to convince me to believe in something with that poor method of yours. It won't do on me. And I doubt that it'd do on other people. If you're lucky enough, someone will be able to stand your shit and still consider you as a true worthwhile friend. Sorry to have disappointed you, but my EQ is obviously not high enough to do so. Or, perhaps I shall say, let's pretend that I'm not worthwhile to be your friend. If you insist that we should all live a pretentious life like you.

Cheers,
Iris W.

妳不需要聽，但我只是想對妳說。

妳不需要聽，但我只是想對妳說。

因為妳是我珍惜的人，所以我好想妳聽我這個旁觀者的話，以後在愛情面前能變得自私一點。妳對他的處處忍讓和妥協並不是在尊重他而是在輕蔑妳自己。遷就，也是要有個限度。他若愛妳不夠妳愛他那般多的話，妳至少要愛自己多一點，別讓自己處於下風。他不懂妳的好是他的錯失，妳又為啥要陪他一起看低自己呢？

給剛才在巴士上看到我看他然後向我展出殺人甜笑的先生：

我看你是因為你撞到我，不是因為你長得白淨高挑型英帥靚正。講完。

-i.

六年間的2190天。

六年間的2190天。

Dear H. S.,

差不多一年前，我選擇了要徹底的離開你。在過去的一年間，我每隔一段日子我就會說服自己，當初的抉擇是對的。我不應該繼續留戀著愛你的習慣，我是時候放下對你的愛，然後move on。而我一直都以為我成功了。直到今天，我忽然間迷惑了。我開始感到有一絲的後悔從心底蔓延開來。即便我多努力去體驗我心目中的『真快樂』，我也未能將這感覺退去。後悔了，就是後悔了。

有的時候我會獨自想。究竟我是在苦苦地尋覓著誰？究竟我在找的他是一個怎麼樣的人？但我每一次得出來的答案，總會回到你那裡去。你。你。你。他由始至終都是你。

其實我是不是從決定離開你的那一霎起就被放進了時間的旋轉木馬呢？為甚麼無論我花多少心機去忘記你，你卻總會一次又一次的出現在我眼前？隨著愉快的音樂，載著我的木馬一上一落的沿著機關中心遊走。每當我自以為已跑得好遠時，卻會在起點看到你的蹤影。那站在機關外的你的蹤影。

身處在這旋轉木馬上，我依然觸不到你。我只能看。卻不能靠近。更不能貿然下馬，跑去人群中和你會面。我覺得好不公平。昔日的你和我，最起碼，是像坐在摩天輪的同一個車廂中，看著同一些景色，一同升也一同降。

我想，我該是時候長大，該是時候從遊樂場退出，進入人生下一個階段了。只可惜，我想是如此想，但實際情況卻不由我作決定。到底是去還是留，從來都只是由我的心去作決定。我從來都未曾有過話事權。

你能助我作決定嗎？昨日愛過的，我今天可以不再愛嗎？那明天呢？就算明天不行，我後天總可以忘掉你，和另外一個他重新開始吧？

請你告訴我吧。

告訴我，可以，吧。


你的，
i.

徒然。

徒然。

t,

所有喜歡你的原因
今天都皆因你的行為而毀於一旦。

我還以為你是我能信賴的
我還以為你不會像他們一樣般傷害她。

我還以為，我終於能將她交託給你……，
但原來你還是讓我失望了。

原來，我一直以來替你努力興建的好感，全屬徒然。

其實你們的事情，我不能管，也不想管；
但我好想好想你知道，她沒了你也能活。

即使失去了你，她還有我；
就算你有一天瞎了眼準備要推開她，她還能跌進我的懷裡。

我毫無怨言。

只是
她的眼淚，我要你來負責
不過你放心，每一滴的重量都會由我來承擔。

所以你無必要在我面前為自己建立一個超標的自信，
因為你在我眼中，簡直就是不值一晒。

講完。

-i